ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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