its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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