I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
