I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
