your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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