And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
