Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
