i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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