Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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