i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize