when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
