Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
