Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
