Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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