You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
