Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
