Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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