Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
