Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
