I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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