as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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