So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
