1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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