Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
this beer tastes like vomit already
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
