The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
