i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
