TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
