drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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