Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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