I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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