how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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