I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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