so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
