I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
