these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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