Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
