there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
dude. I can hear the air.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
