I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
