My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
