apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Someone came in the potted fern
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
