I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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