Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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