well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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