I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
