u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
