69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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