It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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