he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
