Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
