hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
