the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Everclear isn't food dammit
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
