anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
