Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
