Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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