I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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