Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
