if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
