But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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