there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
