I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Small penises have feelings too.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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