no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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