Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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