I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
