I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
