Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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