I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
