So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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