i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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