If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
MIDGETS
????
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
