someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
