Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Did I show you my penis last night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
