C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
