420 ftw
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
