The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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