you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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