Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
