Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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