I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
