she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
