my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
