When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
