So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
