I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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