Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
