How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
