So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
