Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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