He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
