I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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