If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize